Author: Richard E.D. Jones

22 years ago today, I became a dad.

Being a stay-at-home dude can mysteriously make you fat. Really, really fat.

Young kids are bereft of understanding when it comes to a stay-at-home-dad taking a day off.

We had a snow day in which there was no snow to be had.

Don't make a classic dad-stake, which is like a mistake, but made by dads.

A stay-at-home dude with a grudge.

Rearing children causes severe dane bramage.

When it comes to living in the same house as a teenager, you first need to come to a decision about his room.

There's a simple, yet powerful, reason why I'm not picking stuff I don't like out of my trail mix.

The student teaches the master.

Welp, it's too late to do anything about it now. If you've left your Christmas shopping until today. . . until right now. . . Dudes, you're already so far behind the eight-ball, the only think you can see is…

We don't want them to be clones.When we thrust our spawn out into the world, we hope they will draw from us what is good and bring in their own goodness and unique attitude to form a wonderful, exciting personality.…

Over in the December issue of the MotherShip (also known as Charlotte Parent), they're running what might turn out to be my last Stay-At-Home Dudes column.Oh, I'm not going away. You won't get rid of me that easily.It turns out…

Having your days revolve around potential human beings significantly younger than you are can make for some difficult dilemmas.For instance, if it comes down to a choice between baking chocolate chip cookies and going to the dry cleaners, which one…

This post appeared in the December 2014 issue of Charlotte Parent. During this wonderful time of year, full of good tidings and joy, I’m constantly reminded of one overriding thought: Man, I really, really hate Google.Now I look at it,…

Here in America, Thanksgiving is tomorrow.Now, normally, when I talk about the things for which I'm most thankful, (which I'm about to do so buckle up, buttercup), it actually is on a day when we're supposed to be giving thanks…

So, Saturday was my birthday.I turned. . . Well, let's just say it was a milestone birthday and leave it at that. I certainly plan to do so.The thing of it is, I decided that I was going to celebrate…

I am funny.I am funny. (Yes, this is an affirmation. And now, because I had to explain it, the joke ceases to be funny. But I'm going to keep on going because I'm nothing if not persistent. As long as…

On this day of days, this night of wonders, every dad faces a choice: Do I dress up to enjoy myself on Halloween or do I dress up to inflict maximum punishment on the spawn?If you've been reading these for…

I do not suffer fools gladly.*By which, I mean that anyone who does something I don't like is, therefore, a fool and I want that person out of my line of sight and out of hearing just as soon as…

There are few things in life that will get your blood revving quite like having your bedroom door kicked open at zero five hundred, and hearing a backlit, shadowed form standing in the doorway growl at you, "Get up."Now, admittedly,…

Don’t let the face of stunning manliness and beauty you see in my column picture fool you. Beneath this handsome brow lurks the soul of a monster and this is the month when I get to let him out.It’s also…

Something you might not have thought of.When you decided you were lucky enough to be able to stay home and rear the spawn of your love, you might not have thought all the way through this. For one thing, if…

I'm certain this might seem a little odd, coming as it does in a column dedicated to dads who stay home and rear the kids, still it's something about which I feel passionately.Let's talk female anatomy.No, this isn't some precursor…

It's going to get real messy in here.When my head explodes -- and you know it's not going to be that long from now that it happens -- I'm going to leave behind a horrifying hodgepodge of pop-culture trivia, Florida…

Here's some good news for you.No, I'll not be passing out coupons for free beer, comfy recliners and larg-screen televisions (can you tell I'm getting in a football mood?) any time soon. And, no, I'm not going away any time…

There's a reason it's a cliché that men don't ask for help.Mostly because men would rather die (following a three-week session of torture and abuse that included listening to Enya and watching romantic comedies) than ask for directions or --…

I have picked up poop with my bare hands.More than once.Now, I tell you this not because I want to ensure that I never have to shake hands again, although, now that I think on it, getting to forego that…

Babies suck.No, literally, they suck. A lot. That's how they eat, after all. Come on, people. Did you really think I'd be so unkind as to denigrate little babies? (Don't answer that.) Moving on. Babies either latch on to a…

Sleep isn't as easy as it looks.I mean, look at him there. Lying in bed, mouth slightly open, sprawled across the mattress, the blanket twirled around his feet and a look of innocence that absolutely has no place there on…

I've been getting a little twitchy lately.Just the sound of a car horn has been known to see me squeal like a tiny child, while hearing rubber searing itself to the roadway is enough to make me throw myself to…

Fireworks explode.Yes, I'm aware that seems like a bulletin from the Department of Redundancy Department's Division of Dupliicitious Dangers Division, but it does need to be said every so often so we don't forget.Most of us see fireworks as a…

I'm not here to tell you what to do, but, well. . . Here's what you need to do.No, it's not that simple. You're going to miss out so much if you treat being a stay-at-home dude as some kind…

Staying at home to rear your children isn't traditionally considered a "real" job for men.Yet, more and more men are choosing to stay at home while their wife or partner goes to a job outside the house and earns the…

Dr. Frankenstein couldn't do it. Oscar Golden couldn't do it. And, at long last, I have come to the conclusion that I also must join that elite fraternity of non winners. I'm just like them.1I think it's time to admit…

Building the better dad requires more than six million dollars.Finding the ingredients necessary to do all the things we dads do around the house, with the kids and uh. . . well. . . I mean. . . you know,…

I shouldn't have been surprised to open the front door and find a decapitated Barbie head on the front porch, her dead eyes covered by loose, knotted hair.And, yet, I was surprised. Enough for the high-pitched squeal of horror to…

Col. Steve Austin wouldn't have lasted a week in my war.Way back in the deep, dark reaches of time, back in the dim horror we all survived (as opposed to enjoyed. Or lived.) called 1973, when bell-bottom pants were a…

Becoming a parent means eternal warfare between your eternal optimist and your darkest pessimist.The thing of it is, though, there's good reasons to take both sides. Which, of course, makes no one happy.Whenever I would look at any of my…

As I sit here typing this, my youngest son, known to many as Hyper Lad1, is standing at my right shoulder and whining.Sorry. Excuse me. I've been informed that it's not whining. He's presenting a cogent, coherent, reasoned, fact-filled argument…

I live in fear of the zombie apocalypse.Well, not really. I mean, I'm no more concerned about the dead rising and wandering the Earth as hungry revenants craving only our brains as the next guy.* In most of those scenarios,…

Well, bleep me.Bleep bleeping bleepity bleep bleeping bleep bleep-bleep bleeping bleeped bleeping bleep it.*Cursing is . . . problematic for me.As both a writer and someone who prides himself on having a rational mind, I know that so-called curse words…

Calling it road rage would have been like calling Paul Blart: Mall Cop merely a bad movie.*I used to scream and yell and beat on the steering wheel, jumping up and down in my seat while my legs made running…