ASK A MOM: Bunnies, curfews, and clashing parenting styles
Molly Grantham tackles your parenting questions
Q: My 9-year-old daughter begged me for a bunny for her birthday in February, and I got her one with the agreement that she would be in charge of feeding it and cleaning its cage. It’s been a few months and of course I am constantly nagging her. How can I turn this around? At what point does the bunny go? I hate to make empty threats, but I’m out of ideas.
A: We have a dog because my daughter promised to own her. My husband and I believed our daughter. Silly us. School + sports/activities + teenage-dom = the dog is not hers. We care for the dog.
But a dog isn’t a bunny, so I sent your question to friend and WCCB-TV anchor Morgan Fogarty, who is a mom and animal advocate. She has 10 animals inside her home (two bunnies, two snakes, three dogs, two cats, and one bearded dragon) AND owns six horses that live outside her home, at a barn. (Yes, you read that last sentence correctly.) She is raising her two children, ages almost-13 and 10, to love animals as well.
Here’s her hot take:
“Bunnies are one of the highest maintenance pets around,” she says. “I always recommend adults do a lot of research before committing. They are not easy. Kids are not able to take care of them properly on their own. They require adult participation.”
How high maintenance? Morgan says bunnies should live indoors, need space to stretch out and play (shouldn’t be confined to a cage), and require pelleted food, fresh water, and greens (salad and veggies) on a daily basis.
“They also need things to chew on,” Morgan says. “And they poop—A LOT. Daily clean-ups and weekly ‘re-sets’ are what we do at my house. Bunnies also need regular brushing, nail trims, and annual vet visits for health checks. They prefer to live in pairs, but ‘bonding’ bunnies together takes skill and patience. Lastly: bunnies live approximately 10 years, so they are a decade-long commitment.”
I love Morgan for many reasons, her reality checks being one of them.
Now that you have one in your home, she shares this:
“It sounds like it might be best to re-home your bunny so the animal can enjoy a better quality of life and you no longer have to stress about its care. If you advertise the bunny on social media, please check vet references, etc. of whoever you choose. And, I suggest charging a nominal ($50) re-homing fee to weed out people who want the animal for nefarious reasons.”
Some rescues in Charlotte will also take bunnies. So, Morgan adds this: “If you go in this direction, rescues are overwhelmed, under-resourced, and need help. If you surrender your bunny to one of them (Wildlife Rescue of Charlotte or Carolina Waterfowl Rescue are great), please make a generous donation to them in your bunny’s name as a “thank you’ for helping.”
I also sent your question to Melissa Knicely, the Community Outreach Manager with CMPD’s Animal Care & Control. She agrees with Morgan.
“Owning a bunny—really, owning any pet—is something that should be thoroughly researched,” she says. “Rabbits aren’t pets that can simply stay in a pen, hutch, or habitat and their chewing can be equated to a puppy who goes after anything in sight.”
Knicely says like “all pocket pets (hamsters, guinea pigs, ferrets, mice, gerbils, etc.)” they just demand big responsibility.
“Having worked in the animal welfare field for nearly 19 years, I often hear parents say things like, ‘If we get this pet, it’s going to be your responsibility to walk him, feed him, etc.’ I always giggle to myself—that’s rarely realistic. At the end of the day, parents are the responsible party.”
If you’re looking to replace the bunny with another pet, Melissa suggests you let it be a family decision. Factor in your home, neighborhood, and the ages of children. She says cats are becoming increasingly popular animals to adopt because they’re a little less commitment.
“In 2024,” Melissa says, “the percentage of animal shelter cat adoptions was higher than that of dog adoptions! No matter the direction you go, if you replace the bunny with another pet, please, adopt at a local shelter and take your whole family to find your new companion.”
Good luck.
Q: If a kid still lives at home, do they lose their curfew after they turn 18?
A: If you’re asking from a legal perspective, an 18-year-old does not have to follow the citywide curfew, as they are legally an adult. Charlotte’s Youth Protection Ordinance (which enforces the curfew) no longer applies.
If you’re asking what to do as a parent, you own the home. You pay the bills. So, you set the rules. If someone living in your home rent-free doesn’t like the boundaries, they can move out.
But back to the first perspective. The Youth Protection Ordinance “…imposes curfew restrictions on individuals under the age of 16. Once a person turns 18, they are no longer subject to this curfew. For individuals aged 16 and 17, the ordinance does not apply. However, if a person under 18 is found in violation of the curfew, they may be subject to legal consequences, and their parent/guardian could face misdemeanor charges if they knowingly allow the violation.”
More details on the Youth Protection Ordinance, here.
Q: I’ve had the same best friend since 6th grade, we got married the same year, and we even had kids at the same time. I had two girls and she had two boys. We would hang out all the time when they were babies, but now her boys are out-of-control tornados who give me and my girls anxiety. I honestly don’t know if we parent differently or if it’s a gender thing, but it’s hurting our friendship and my hopes for our families’ relationship in the future. How do we fix this?
A: Friendships can be difficult to navigate as we all evolve, and everyone experiences ups-and-downs. Thank you for sending this sincere question. I took it to two local, respected therapists for professional suggestions.
“I hate to see you ‘throw a friendship away’ based on what *could* be a bumpy season,” says Juliet Kuehnle, Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and founder of Sun Counseling and Wellness. “I suggest you get a bit more curious about what could be going on and if there are other ways to handle it while the kids are aging and maturing.”
Kuehnle says everyone parents differently, and each of us feel like we’re doing our best.
“Every kid is unique, so it’s unfair to judge another’s parenting,” she says. “If you and your friend parent differently, that’s okay. But are there patterns to the behaviors that trigger you and your girls? Are there settings that could be implemented that may be more contained and feel less chaotic? Other shared activities that allow each kid to play as they desire? Can you overlook certain things you’d do differently in service of your connection with this longtime friend? Or do you just move to one-on-one ‘mom/girls weekends’ for now?”
Kuehnle wants to remind us all that adult female friendship breakups come with grief.
“Try to honor and recognize that the relationship has morphed—maybe that’s just for this season, maybe it’s for good. But since it doesn’t sound like you’re wanting to just walk away, I really suggest a direct conversation about reconnecting in a way that feels good for both of you. And, give grace. Parenting is humbling. It takes a village—she also may need you to stay in it with her as support. It makes me wonder about her anxiety and mental load!”
Jessie Ogienko, CEO of Caladrius Therapy also suggests a direct conversation.
“It’s such a long friendship,” she says. “Hopefully there’s a strong foundation of trust and shared experience to talk honestly. If the kids’ behavior is creating tension, then I’d suggest prioritizing one-on-one ‘mom time’ to nurture the friendship and offer a break for both of you without the pressure of managing the kids.”
(MOLLY SIDENOTE: With two experts suggesting alone time without kids, this seems to be clearly great advice.)
“If in that one-on-one time you bring it up, focus on specific behaviors and how they affect your girls. You could say something like, ‘When there’s a lot of roughhousing, my girls get overwhelmed—maybe we can come up with a plan to help them speak up or take a break when they need space.’ Framing it as a shared problem to solve can help avoid blame and keep things collaborative.”
Ogienko also suggests that YOU model this behavior for your kids by gently setting boundaries in the moment, like, “Hey buddy, you just stepped on my foot—can you give me a little more space?” That’ll show your girls what healthy self-advocacy looks like in real time.
“This could actually be a great opportunity for the girls to start practicing how to stand up for their needs—and for the boys to learn to respect boundaries,” Ogienko says. “We sometimes hear ‘boys will be boys,’ but it’s important we raise boys to be aware of and responsive to others’ needs.”
It’s not always easy, but both Kuehnle and Ogienko say friendships and parenting take intentionality. With communication and boundary-setting, this could be a moment of growth for everyone involved.
Happy June. Hopefully you’re reading this somewhere with sunshine on your face. Send any question for next month here. I’m ready and waiting.
Until then,
—Molly
MOLLY GRANTHAM is a four-time Emmy Award-winning journalist, speaker, author, and mom of three. Follow her on Facebook or Instagram, or visit mollygrantham.com.
