PARENT TO KNOW: Ashley Ausman
A Q&A with the mom of three and essay architect
Ashley Ausman is a writer and former AP English teacher at Charlotte Catholic. She left teaching to focus on a pressing need she saw in her students: crafting their college admission essays. She launched The Essay Architect, where she helps students through a process to discover what to write and how to write it.
Here, the mom of three talks to us about how technology is impacting student writing, the joys and struggles of having children years apart, and the important advice she received about marriage.
Tell us about your family. How many children do you have and what are their ages?
My husband, Tom, and I have been married for 21 years. We went to the same Charlotte high school (Charlotte Catholic) and were in the same class, but we weren’t high school sweethearts. So, we’ve known each other since we were 14. We have three children: our son Ruffin, 17, Annabelle, who just turned 16, and our youngest, Emmeline, is 8.
What made you transition from an English teacher, to focusing strictly on helping students craft college essays?
I adored teaching English to high schoolers. I tiptoed into the world of college essays when I realized that even my strongest students and strongest writers desperately needed a toolbox to build a story that was completely different from the English essays they’d composed in my classroom. They didn’t know what to write. And they didn’t know how to write it. Slowly but surely, I developed my own approach to this process, designed to demystify the college essay writing process and equip students with the tools to attack it with boldness and authenticity.
The most exciting part of my business is helping students find the language that articulates their unique identity. Giving voice to the things they know about themselves in their bones. Helping them make themselves known to the stranger who is reading their application. And I truly love establishing trust and building relationships with my students. It’s such a privilege and thrill to watch them become proud of their stories and themselves.
As technology has evolved over the last 20 years, what impact has that had on students’ writing?
The pressure and stakes of applying to college has remained constant, but the landscape of college admissions has changed. Students have always compared themselves to their peers at their high schools, but the rise of social media has concentrated that awareness so that students now compare themselves to countless strangers on the internet. The popularity of “viral” essays leads so many students to conclude – wrongly – that their story could never be more than average. Students’ confidence in their writing – and in their inherent value – has declined.
This is why the recent accessibility of AI in college essays is a troubling trend. Students desperate for a polished college essay are tempted to plug in a prompt and let the robots do the work, figuring the result will be far better than anything they could write. But they’re wrong. AI cannot authentically replicate the truth of these stories. AI sands away the imperfections, details, and complexities, and in doing so, it erases the humanity of a student’s writing, instead generating an eerily polished, by-the-numbers essay that lacks invention, insight, and heart. There’s a place for the tools of AI, but using it for your college essay undermines the invaluable thinking and synthesis that occurs when you write about yourself.
Hardest part about being a mom?
My two oldest kids are only 19 months apart, so when they were growing up, the demands on my parenting were consistent. Nighttime fears, potty-training, riding big-kid bikes, multiplication, summer reading logs – it all happened at the same time. The arrival of our youngest, who is nine and seven years younger than her siblings, has meant that the demands are wildly different, but equally essential. Simply put, it’s hard being as present and tuned in for my older two – as Ruffin applies to college and Annabelle gets in her driving hours for her license – as I am for Emmeline, whose world revolves around summer camp excitement, pierced ears, and her friendship-bracelet-making skills.
Favorite part about being a mom?
Part of my answer is the same. Living in two very different seasons of life simultaneously makes me value and appreciate each one anew. But here’s the other part: I’ve never been a mom who weeps during the milestones and resists the growing-up moments. I don’t ache for the past – I truly love the growing up, and I can’t wait for what’s next. I’m thrilled that my 16-year-old can – as of very recently – drive. I’m thrilled my son is heading to college in a year. I’m thrilled my youngest can change her own earrings.
Biggest parenting fail to date?
The one that haunts me still isn’t recent at all. My oldest had snuck in off the waitlist at our dream CMS magnet school for kindergarten. I knew the sibling guarantee would apply to Annabelle, but it would only work if I registered her for the lottery by the fall deadline. Which I didn’t. Because I missed the fall deadline entirely. When I realized my error, I was literally sick to my stomach and frozen with fear, utterly convinced that I had wrecked my daughter’s entire education before it had even begun. A panicked, early-dawn drive to the magnet office revealed the existence of a second-chance lottery, and I may have cried real tears when they told me all was not lost.
Best parenting advice you ever received?
Words of wisdom from my older brother: “Kids don’t even start forming real memories until they’re five. Don’t worry about it.”
Marriage advice for new parents?
My mom always told me: “Don’t complain to me about your husband. Because you’ll forgive him and get over it, but I might not.” This has always served me well.
Parenting support you could not live without?
My husband, Tom, who I can always count on for the heavy lifting when I need it, literally and figuratively.
Phase you feared your child would never grow out of?
When my second baby had colic, I could not see the end of the tunnel. Annabelle cried from July until December, and looking back, the kindly older doctor with a bowtie I saw one day during a panicked visit had it right: “Some babies just cry. One day you’ll look up, and she won’t be crying as much.” And that’s exactly what happened.
Favorite way to spend an unscheduled day with your kids in Charlotte?
A long walk on the McAlpine Creek Greenway or hike at Reedy Creek, dinner at Zio, and a “Rocky” movie marathon.
You have a whole day to yourself. What do you do?
Sleep in. Lift weights at the JCC. Grab two bagels from Poppy’s and swing by The Sharon to visit my mom and enjoy a late breakfast. Hunt for treasures at a few local estate sales, and then head back to Southpark for a solo lunch at Arthur’s and endless mall browsing. Then, Harris Teeter Cotswold for dinner fixings. Spend the evening stirring bolognese on the stove while I sip an ice-cold Miller Lite. Dinner with the fam by candlelight on vintage Wedgewood.
Favorite Charlotte restaurant?
Los Altos, an absolute gem tucked away on Monroe Road, near McAlpine Park.
Favorite place to shop in Charlotte?
Classic Attic, a treasure trove that never disappoints. Honorable mention to every Marshall’s within a 10-mile radius of my home.
What local amenity/retailer/service could you not live without?
We’re longtime members of the Charlotte JCC, and I’m grateful for it daily. It’s where we work out every day. It’s summer camp and youth basketball. It’s teen employment. It’s swim team. It’s community.
