Fatal Error, 414

I’ve been running around like a crazy person lately. I am so overwhelmed between my career and my family that I’m forgetting really important details. People at work can tell me something and ten minutes later I have no memory. And then there’s that unfortunate incident a few weeks ago where I forgot my son at school. He won’t let me forget it now.

I’m not trying to be dramatic. I seriously have a case of CRS. CANT REMEMBER $&%#.

My kids have started to notice and so has my boss. They all say “I just told you that.” Things seriously go in one ear and out the other.

I have said I bartend on weekends. Someone will order a Bud Light and when I get the the cooler I have no idea what to grab. My mind is completely blank.

I cannot tell you how many times I have lost my keys or my phone in the last few months. I am shocked when my kids tell me about plans we have made and I’ve agreed to. No recollection at all.

My daughter told me today that she’s going to her dad’s on Saturday to have a slumber party with a friend. I called my ex ready to fight because he hadn’t told me. Turns out we arranged this a few weeks ago at my request.

I’m honestly not sure what it is. Life is moving too freaking fast. It’s embarrassing. I can remember every move to my sister and my dance to “Eye of the Tiger” from when I was nine. I could not tell you what color sheets I have on my bed right now. Or what my son’s phone number is. Or the last person I had a date with. (Surely he had a name).

I am wildly grasping at straws to keep up with life. The things going on in my head are constant pep talks to get it together. Of course these usually happen while someone is telling me something important.

I apologized to my boss today sheepishly saying there is only room for so many things in this head. And it’s true.

From the moment my feet hit the ground in the morning I am quick stepping. Getting the kids dressed, fed, brushed and delivered to school. Then I sell ads, process ads, get paperwork signed and answer emails. Then I coordinate kids, pick up kids, feed kids, check homework and clean up. There is no time for retention or reflection.

I am either awake or asleep. On or off. 100 miles per hour or zero.

And when nobody is talking to me I am talking to myself. Out loud. I know people must think I’m a loon.

I make lists then I lose the darn list. I go into rooms and have no idea why. I look for something in my purse, turning it upside down only to forget what I was looking for. At the end of the day I have so many windows open on my computer that God himself couldn’t explain why.

Could it be that after 43 short years on this earth I’ve used up all the memory in my brain? I wish I could delete some data to make room for new information. It’s like I should have bought the 16 MB iBrain instead of the 8.

Please tell me I’m not the only one! This single mom is clearly on overload. The tilt light is blinking red. I would check it out except I have dishes to do, lunches to make and 14 overdue bills to pay.

I’m starting to feel like one of those peanut shells you crack open but there is only one weird shriveled up nut inside.

Please, Lord, somebody give this nut some fertilizer.

I truly am yours in the fight!

Love,
Jen