ASK A MOM: Sticky questions, STEM toys, and recording memories
Molly Grantham tackles your parenting questions in this ongoing series
Q: I am 5 months pregnant with our third, and my oldest (5-year-old girl) is asking how the baby is going to come out of my tummy. What’s an age-appropriate way to approach this? I also have a 3-year-old boy. He hasn’t asked me about this yet, but I’m sure it’s coming, lol! Any advice would be appreciated.
A: Two things my pediatrician told me long ago about young kids, both which have proven true: 1) They get distracted easily, and 2) they aren’t consistent. Which means, whatever you say to your 5- and 3-year-old about how babies are born, might 1) never be remembered, or 2) remembered so well it’s shouted aloud in a classroom the next day.
So, tell the truth. Just dumb it down.
“Mommy will go to the hospital and remove the baby from her tummy.”
“Doctors help the baby come out when the baby is ready.”
“Mommy bodies are amazing! They can do remarkable things. When your new baby brother or sister is ready to come out, doctors will help him/her arrive.”
Those are my personal suggestions. Here is what expert pediatrician Dr. Catherine Ohmstede with Dilworth Pediatrics says:
“Children this age haven’t learned to be embarrassed about body parts yet, so this is an opportunity to start conversations that can evolve. Answering their questions simply and objectively teaches them that they can keep coming to you, instead of turning to friends or social media as they get older.”
Dr. Ohmstede suggests preparing an answer, so you’re ready next time it comes up.
“Think ahead about what you might say,” she says. “Consider consulting a book about reproduction, written for children. Even if you as a parent aren’t ready to read the book to your young child yet, you can likely find language in it that will feel comfortable. When speaking to your own kids, speak honestly without sharing more information requested. You can also use a doll to show where the baby comes out or show pictures in a children’s book if you want to be more specific. Some families introduce anatomic terms like ‘vagina;’ others are more comfortable referring to ‘a special opening between mommy’s legs.’ Remember, children this age frequently repeat everything we say, so use language you are okay hearing them say back in public!”
Dr. Ohmstede says this is also an opportunity to teach children boundaries about topics your family prefers to keep private.
“You can end your conversation with a hug, reassurance, and guidance,” she says. “Something like, ‘I am so glad you asked me about that, I am always happy to answer your questions. We consider how babies are born to be a private topic, so it is best if we just talk about it as a family, when at home. I love you so much and am glad we talked about this today.’”
Q: I am looking to introduce my 1-year-old to some STEM toys without immediately relying on screens. Right now we already have shape sorters and stackers, wooden puzzles, and activity cubes, but I’d like to know what other parents give their toddlers and preschoolers. Thanks!
A: Monica Chavis is a longtime educator, substitute teacher, and mom who runs Porch Productions, a drama club for kids. She’s also someone I go to for questions about schools, students, and real talk. She gets it. She also knows everyone. If she doesn’t know, she’ll ask.
Here’s what she says she found out, mostly from asking other teacher friends:
- Learning Resources Magnet Movers STEM Explorers. This set introduces children to magnets and helps them learn about magnetism through fun experiments. Amazon has it at roughly $25, a few other places through Google listed it for $20.
- Matatalab TaleBot Coding Robot. This robot helps teach children the basics of coding in a fun and interactive way.
- PicassoTiles 60 Piece Set. These magnetic tiles are perfect for building 2D and 3D structures, and they can help children learn about geometry and engineering.
Once your kids get older, there is a week-long summer camp offered multiple places in the Charlotte area called Camp Invention. No overnight, just all-day STEM activities like building robots, exploring physics in fun ways, and unleashing a child’s inner entrepreneur.
A flyer came in the mail just yesterday (we’re repeat customers and really do like this camp) with this link.
Q: Hello! I am wondering if you have any tips about fun things to record about your kids. I do the usual bits, days out etc., but I wasn’t very good with filling out a baby book the first year. Some months are a bit fuzzy. I know you’re good at recording all this stuff, so I wondered what you look back on. Might help me not miss stuff in the future.
A: Documenting life is a full-time job, and the fastest ball to get dropped when you’re just trying to survive a busy week. Yet, remembering specifics about your kids—recording the stories (somehow)—is long-term hugely rewarding.
I’m really glad you asked this question.
The first tooth, first haircut, first steps, first word… as you said, they’re fun. Write ‘em down. But the everyday stuff is more memorable. Candidly, it’s the everyday that distinguishes your child as an individual and makes scrapbooks interesting. What phrases do they say constantly? What words do they mispronounce in cute ways? Is there a certain item of clothing they love to wear? Do they have obsessions with particular toys, cartoon characters, food items, stuffed animals, or do they like to retell a certain story over and over? Is there another person in the extended family they talk about or look forward to seeing? Are there things you notice in how other family members treat them, that make you see a new side?
Also, the things you naturally think without making effort, like, “Oh, I need to buy more Goldfish but only the original kind and not pretzel or flavored because (insert child’s name) only likes original,” is something to note. Sounds basic. But the seemingly ordinary things can be really telling in who your child might grow up to be.
Examples:
My now 13-year-old daughter loved mermaids. I make great effort at putting the beach in my kids’ souls, and Parker instantly picked up a love of water. I’d watch her as a toddler jump waves, with a diaper peeking out the bottom of her bathing suit. At times, I’d record a quick video on my phone. Sometimes, I’d go a step further and write a post. As more photos of her on the beach showed up on my camera roll, and more posts started showing her with waves, my ears began hearing her mention “mermaids.” Taking time to document her being her, helped me hear what was in her mind.
As a young boy, my now 10-year-old, Hutch, loved work badge passes. Lanyards with access. Keycodes. Gate clickers. Anything that gave him power to enter a place otherwise locked. I started noticing it when he was visiting me at work. I started taking pictures, writing posts, then realized the depth of his obsession.
For Hobie, our 4-year-old, it began with balloons. That morphed into trains. Now it’s dinosaurs. He’s all in on whatever it is in the moment. I’ve taken photos and written about all of his joys. It’s pretty good family entertainment to go back and read or see those old memories.
(All those things are documented in my series of books: Small Victories, The Juggle is Real, and Practice Makes…Progress.)
As for keeping track of your photos… there are various apps. I like Shutterfly. It’s free. (#NotAnAd. They don’t even know I’m mentioning them.) You can upload photos directly from your phone into a folder and name it whatever you want. I label my folders by month and year. At the end of any month, I take 10 minutes to move any photo on my phone that I want to keep forever, into that folder. It’s an organized system, recorded by date. And it frees up space as I delete them from my camera roll.
I started this in July 2015. January 2025 will be my 94th folder in this Shutterfly app.
Recording life is sometimes tedious, but always rewarding.
With that, I’ll end by saying what we’ve all said a hundred times these last two weeks: Happy New Year. The calendar page is turning, though the process of how this column works remains the same. Ask questions you’d like answered here on Charlotte Parent. I’m no parenting expert (who is?) but love going in search of smart answers for you.
Until next month,
—Molly
MOLLY GRANTHAM is a four-time Emmy Award-winning journalist, speaker, author, and mom of three. Follow her on Facebook or Instagram, or visit mollygrantham.com.
