ASK A MOM: Holiday travel, affordable stocking stuffers, and underage drinking at home
WBTV's Molly Grantham tackles your parenting questions in this ongoing series
Q: Should I let my teen drink alcohol as long as it’s under my roof?
A: I knew this question would come at some point. This month marks my 40th column—more than three years of answering your questions!—and here it’s finally asked.
So, should you?
Bottom line: It’s illegal. But, your house, your kids, your rules, your example. Up to you.
To get more specific feedback, I sent your question to friends. None wanted their name attached. (Odd? Maybe.) Many wanted to clarify the scenario: Is it JUST their child drinking alcohol? Is it liquor or beer? Does champagne count (“because we’ve been doing champagne toasts in our household since they were 11”)? Does the scenario include “parents hosting a party and supplying alcohol, but then taking the car keys of all teens who show up?” Everyone said they’d appreciate their child trying alcohol for the first time with them… though not everyone thought that was realistic. Answers were more divided over hosting a party. Some saw benefit (“at least they’re drinking where I know they are and can keep tabs”), while others saw potential penalties for a parent.
You do want to know the law in case you’re caught. I asked Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department for facts on actual charges both you and your child could face.
“CMPD doesn’t recommend allowing your teen to consume alcohol,” says Amanda Aycock, a CMPD spokesperson. “Those who do can be charged with delinquency of a minor. That’s a misdemeanor crime. You can be arrested or ticketed for a misdemeanor.”
In addition to the fact it’s illegal, CMPD says any parent who considers letting their teen drink with them, or supplying alcohol to teens, should think about what that underage person might do after consuming alcohol: reckless behavior that could lead to an illegal act, driving drunk, etc. A parent can be held responsible for any death or injury that results from any of those actions. Plus, police remind us, underage consumption of alcohol can have ramifications at a person’s school, sports, activities, and place of employment.
For yet another opinion, I asked celebrity Charlottean (my term, he’ll hate it) Chef Sam Diminich, owner of Restaurant Constance. He’s been in the food business (read: heavy drinking scene) for decades and is a dad of two teens he posts about with pride. He’s also 9-years-and-1-month sober. He knows the life alcohol can bring.
“My children have witnessed my downfall and journey to, and in, sobriety,” Diminich says. “And look: the more we can normalize conversations that our parents wouldn’t or couldn’t… whether that be drugs, alcohol, or sex… the less stigmatizing they are. The more hard conversations we as parents have with our teens, the easier they get.”
Diminich says he’ll continue to let his kids know they don’t have to live two lives. If they decide to drink with him, he doesn’t want them to feel judged.
“They know they have a safe place to go if they find themselves in a shame spiral after an incident influenced by alcohol,” he says. “I could go on and on, but most importantly, we live in an age of Fentanyl. Everything is being laced. Weed, pills, cocaine, everything. So, my message to my children is this: If you are going to party (which they are anyway), please do not choose drugs. For the love of God, do not choose drugs. If you have some beers, call me if you need a ride. We will go to Waffle House at 3 a.m. I do not care. Just please be careful because I love you.”
He adds that he’s sensitive to the notion alcohol is a gateway drug. “This is an evolving conversation. This is just where I feel we are now.”
I’m so glad this question was asked this month.
My personal favorite reply came from one of those unnamed friends: “Sure. I’ll let my teen drink alcohol under my roof. I just have to take her phone from her first. I don’t want documentation, and the phone seems like a more dangerous weapon than a bottle of beer anyway.”
Q: Please pass on stocking stuffer ideas that are actually affordable (not $100 airpods). Any suggestions for girl (12) and boy (9)?
A: I once heard of a family where each member got one item only in their stocking: A $50 gift card to their favorite place to eat, wrapped in paper by Mrs. Claus. All other family members had to guess which restaurant was inside based on their past year and likes/dislikes. It became a bonding family game. Kids generally got fast food gift cards. Mom was using them the following week at Chick-fil-A.
Gift cards can be good stocking stuffers. For a 12-year-old girl (I have one, too!), my mind goes to makeup brushes, hair clips, an individual bottle or two of an energy drink (my daughter likes Celsius cans and though I’m not a huge fan, they’ll take up stocking space), face masks, cool pens/markers, scent-stuff (think Bed, Bath, and Beyond), sports bras, a special T-shirt rolled up tightly with ribbon, etc.
For a 9-year old boy (I have one, too!), I think non-screen activities. Pokémon cards, travel games for car rides (they’re usually compact), and I saw some light-up LED gloves the other day. Depending on your child’s interests, you could also go with paints, stickers, or, in the case of my son who likes to cook, a mini waffle maker. (Yes!) And though this isn’t a kid-favorite, items they actually need—toothpaste, new toothbrush, new sneaker shoelaces in different colors, deodorant, socks—get thrown in a stocking as well. Non-melting candy (Swedish Fish, Gummy Bears, Starburst, etc.) or a value-size pack of gum are also good.
Good Housekeeping put out a list last month with loads of other ideas. There’s also an Instagram account (@thelovinsisters) with daily ideas for gifts of all ages, no matter their relationship to you. One day might feature sister-in-laws, the next day gifts for your boss. They put an Amazon link to whatever it is they’re talking about in its story, so you easily swipe up to the Amazon page, often with discounts attached. It’s a solid business.
Good luck.
Q: Our family will be in Florida with the in-laws for Christmas. Both kids (7-yr-old twins) believe in Santa. What’s the best way to 1) assure them Santa will find us, and 2) get gifts there with minimal stress? We’ll be driving, so will need to bring all gifts home with us, too. The logistics are already giving me a headache.
A: Santa traveling to another state to deliver Christmas for two 7-year-olds does sound headache-inducing. The good news is, your twins still believe in the magic of the holiday. That’s fun. Lean in, despite this year’s twist. Next year the chance to do so might be gone.
For your two specific questions:
- What’s best way to assure them Santa will find them? Do you have an Elf on the Shelf? If so, have the twins tell their Elf they’d like him/her to pass on a message to Santa and Mrs. Claus and fill them in on their travel plans. Maybe they can even give their Elf handwritten letters with this important message? In the following days, you could have Elf return with a letter from the North Pole, assuring the twins it was received. If you don’t have an Elf, the kids can still write a letter to Santa and Mrs. Claus with this same message (I’m eternally trying to get kids to hand write letters) and a few days later, have a letter appear back to them in the mail with the same reassurance. (You can postmark a letter to your own address.) With either option, they’ll feel more control of the situation.
- How to get the stuff there? Mail things directly to Florida, especially if you shop online. If a grandmother or aunt or cousin is there and able to wrap gifts, and if you feel comfortable asking them, see if they can help wrap what arrives in advance. (They can first text you a picture of the package to assure it’s what you ordered.) I’d also suggest advance-wrapping anything you buy here to take with you and putting ALL those wrapped items in a large suitcase. Kids won’t think twice about looking in boring zippered-up luggage. Your secrets will be safe. As a bonus, you’ll have that empty luggage suitcase after Christmas to pack with the now-opened gifts.
An out-of-state Christmas with kids must be thought out. Have a plan. Stick with it. It’s kinda like packing for summer camp. And if on Christmas morning, one twin gets something with lots of parts, try not to let that box get opened until back home. No starting a Lego set in Florida.
It really has been 40 months of this column. A little stunning. Time can feel stagnant, yet simultaneously fly. Thank you for the continual questions this past year, and please keep them coming after we flip the calendar page. I’m off for two weeks around the holiday but will be grateful to see you guys at 5 p.m., 5:30 p.m., 6 p.m., and 11 p.m. every weeknight in 2024. Thank you for embracing this column, helping create a community connection, and the reminder that we’re in this together.
Merry,
—Molly
MOLLY GRANTHAM is an anchor, author, and mom of three. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram, or catch her on WBTV News at 5 p.m., 5:30 p.m., 6 p.m., and 11 p.m.
