Holiday Manners Do’s and Don’ts
As a mother of two, I’ll be honest when I say that I have a love and hate relationship with the holidays. I love them on the day, but I hate the pre-holiday stress of event-planning, gift-buying, food-shopping and house-decorating.
Other parents tell me that what puts them over the edge during the holiday season is when their children embarrass them with their lack of manners or social graces, or when they themselves make a royal etiquette faux pas! While I’ll seek help on holiday decorating and food planning, as an etiquette expert and creator of the game on manners called “Blunders®,” I’m happy to share some etiquette do’s and don’ts that can help you and your children avoid awkward situations, make a better impression on others, and give you social savvy skills this holiday season.
Table Manners
Do: Be Patient.
Be patient and wait for everyone to sit down at the table before digging in! Once everyone has been seated, wait for the host to begin eating before you do. Also remember to put your napkin in your lap and to pass food to the right!
Don’t: Be Connected.
Put your cell phone away or turn it off at the table so that you can connect with the people you’re sitting across the table from. If you are hosting the dinner, you can even place a basket for cell phones in the kitchen with a fun note asking people to leave their cell phones. Something like, “Be with the friends who are here.”
Interpersonal Skills
Do: Make Introductions and Small Talk
When greeting people for the first time like at a holiday party, remember to give a firm handshake, look them in the eyes, and say your first and last name. If you are introducing others, remember to say their full names if you can and then share information about the other person they should know like who they are, where they work, or their relation to you, etc. (Joe is my new neighbor, Susan and I work together, Mason is my cousin from Atlanta). It’s also really important to know how to make small talk to keep the conversation going. Ask people about themselves and show since interest in them. Questions like, “What do you do? Where do you live? Have you always lived in Charlotte? What are your plans for the holidays?” Answer questions with information about yourself but be sure not to talk too much.
Don’t: Stay on Your Phone
It’s shocking how many people you see on their cell phone when at a party or in a restaurant. Turn your cell phone off or put it on vibrate and then refrain from using it at all while eating, but also don’t look at your phone if you get a text when you are in the middle of talking with someone.
Social Media
Do: Be Mindful of the Pictures You Post
When you’re at a party things can get a bit wild. Be careful about the pictures you post of others because you would not want to share something that they would be embarrassed about! Also, do participate in the activities, be in the moment, and don’t just be the one taking pictures and posting them.
Don’t: Forget the Feelings of Others
If you post pictures on Facebook from the great party you had last night, remember that you might hurt someone’s feeling if they were not invited to the party! Save your comments about the fun time you had for only the people who were there, and forget about posting videos of the party on vine, Intagram, etc. A private email is much better.
Attending a Holiday Party
Do: Show Gratitude
Hosts spend a great deal of time and money preparing for a party so show your gratitude by bringing a hostess gift like a bottle of wine or flowers. After the party, either call the next day to thank them again, or better yet, send a hand-written thank you note.
Don’t: Say “Yes”.
During the busy holiday season it’s easy to over commit. Don’t tell someone you will attend their party if there’s a chance you’ll have to cancel or show up super late. Don’t ask to bring someone else to the party either especially your children if they were not initially invited.
Hosting a Holiday Party
Do: Send Kids to Their Room.
A playroom that is! If children will be attending your party, everyone will be much happier if they have someplace special to go and something to do. Show a children’s movie, have snacks and drinks available, and even put out crafts or games to play with. This will also allow the adults to relax and have a conversation!
Don’t: Dawdle.
To make your life easier, and to be the sociable host you want to be, do as much prep work as possible before the party begins. For example, set the table (Google proper place setting if needed) and set up a serve yourself bar. When your guests arrive, you’ll want to focus on them and not on the dessert you forgot to make!
Gift-Giving
Do: Show and Write Your Appreciation
When you receive a gift in person it is always important to say “thank you”, but it’s also good form to write the person a thank you note. If you receive a gift in the mail, you could immediately email or call the person to tell them at it arrived, but also it’s important to then send them a hand-written thank you note.
Don’t: Forget People
The holidays are a great time to show the people in your life that you appreciate and care about them. Besides your immediate family, there are friends, co-workers and service people (hair dresser, garbage collector, bus driver, teacher, etc.) whom you might also want to give a small gift. Just something small or home-made that shows you care along with a card is perfect.
House Guests
Do: Be Helpful
If you’ll be staying with family or friends over the holiday season remember to bring them a house gift, but also you and your children should offer to help do things like set the table, cook, or take out the garbage. Also, remember to make your bed, pick up your things, and tidy up the bathroom. If you have guests in your home, don’t feel bad about asking them to help you out!
Don’t: Stay Too Long
Like the saying, “House guests and fish begin to smell after two days”, remember not to overstay your welcome. Another thing that can irritate a host is if your children are not well behaved. Remind your kids that they need to observe the house rules even if they are different than what you do at home, they need to be nice to the other kids and respectful of their things, and they need to eat the food they are served and not be picky!
If you have any specific questions please email me at aimee@finesseworldwide.com. To view the Charlotte Today segment on holiday manners please click HERE. New cotillion class coming to the Huntersville area. For information please click HERE. If you are interested in an etiquette class for your school, group, or team please email me for further information.
