THRIVE: The Who, What, When, Where, Why and How of raising emotionally healthy and intelligent children

WHO plays a role in modeling play in a child’s emotional development?

Parents who demonstrate healthy emotional regulation take deep breaths when frustrated, apologize when wrong, and listen attentively when others speak. This shows children that emotions aren’t something to be feared or hidden, but instead managed and expressed constructively. Your child is more likely to learn respect, patience, and empathy if they see those traits consistently practiced at home. Modeling is everything. Children are astute observers and will often imitate how you manage stress, handle conflict, and express affection. If you tell your child to “use their words” but you slam doors when angry, they learn that emotional outbursts, not words, are the real coping strategy.

WHAT does it mean to raise an emotionally healthy and intelligent child?

Raising an emotionally healthy and intelligent child means teaching them to understand, express, and regulate their emotions while also developing empathy for others. The question is whether the child can handle those feelings without being consumed by them. It allows your child to grow up and hold the world on their own, which is both a scary and wonderful thought.

When children feel emotionally safe, they’re more willing to take risks in learning, more resilient in the face of challenges, and more capable of building healthy relationships that will serve them well into adulthood.

WHEN can parents start teaching emotional intelligence?

It starts the day your child is born. Babies are born with billions of neurons, and some of them are wired for emotional intelligence. Here is a breakdown:

Infants express distress, comfort, and joy even before they can talk, and a parent’s consistent and sensitive responses help establish a sense of emotional security.

In early childhood development, such as during toddlerhood, emotional intelligence begins to grow through labeling feelings and modeling calm responses.

In preschool, children can begin practicing empathy in small ways, such as sharing a toy or comforting a sad peer.

School-age children can understand more nuanced concepts like compromise and self-reflection.

The earlier parents begin this intentional work, the more natural it becomes for the child to carry those skills into adolescence and adulthood.

WHERE does open communication influence emotional health?

Open communication is the bridge between a child’s inner world and others. When children know they can speak openly, they are more likely to share their worries, mistakes, and successes. Raising an emotionally healthy and intelligent child requires patience, consistency, and a willingness to grow alongside them. You won’t achieve perfection every day, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s connection. Whenever my children make a mistake, I tell them, “It looks like you’re working perfectly, and now you’ve added another wrinkle to your brain.” Your child will benefit far more from a parent who admits mistakes, sincerely apologizes, and tries again than from one who never falters but remains emotionally distant.

WHY do parents need to help children develop emotional resilience?

Resilience isn’t about avoiding stress; it’s about learning how to recover from it. Children become resilient when they are allowed to experience manageable struggles while knowing they have a safe place to land. This means resisting the urge to solve every problem for them and instead guiding them toward solutions.

HOW can parents balance discipline with emotional support?

This is a tough one. As parents, we often believe that discipline means punishment, but they are not the same thing. Discipline and emotional support are not opposites; they’re partners in healthy child development. Discipline provides the structure children need to feel secure, while emotional support ensures they know their worth is not tied to their mistakes.

HOW do neurodiversity and emotional intelligence connect?

Neurodiversity recognizes that brains are wired in many ways, and emotional intelligence must be taught with those differences in mind. For example, a child with ADHD may struggle with impulse control, so emotional regulation strategies might include more visual reminders and shorter time frames for self-monitoring. A child on the autism spectrum may need explicit instruction about nonverbal cues and social rules that neurotypical children might pick up more naturally. Parents who understand and respect their child’s unique brain wiring can tailor emotional learning to be accessible and affirming, rather than expecting all children to learn the same way. This approach not only supports emotional intelligence but also fosters a child’s self-acceptance and resilience.

motional intelligence transcends childhood; it’s a vital gift that empowers your child to navigate friendships, work, love, and life with both confidence and compassion. The effort you invest today will resonate throughout their entire future.

BEA MOISE is a board-certified cognitive specialist, author, neurodiversity coach, and consultant for both individuals and businesses, a featured expert for NBC News, and the neurodivergent expert for Verizon. Follow her UNIQUE parenting channel on YouTube or on Instagram @beamoiseauthor.