ASK A MOM: Middle school relationships, measles vaccines, and the tooth fairy’s going rate

Q: Hi, Molly! My 7th grader has a girl really interested in him and he really likes her, too. Any podcasts for teens and healthy relationships, age-appropriate steps, basically respecting one another and taking it SLOW. I’m certain it’ll fizzle out in a month, but…

A: What a great question to ask.

I sent it to author and child clinical psychologist, Dr. Sheryl Ziegler. She’s based in Colorado, but explains things with an easy understanding and is a quick follow on Instagram. Her new book, The Crucial Years: The Essential Guide to Mental Health, Modern Puberty in Middle Childhood, addresses the themes of emotional development, healthy boundaries, and guidance during middle childhood.

“There are great podcasts out there,” she says. “Please know before listening to any of them that it’s completely normal for seventh graders to start exploring crushes and early relationships. This is a key part of emotional and social development during the ‘crucial years.’ What matters most is helping kids build a strong foundation for respectful, age-appropriate relationships.”

Dr. Z, as she’s commonly called, says at this age “taking it slow” is exactly the right pace.

“Middle schoolers are still figuring out who they are, how to express themselves, and how to read others’ emotions,” she says. “It’s important to frame relationships around friendship first—focusing on shared interests, kindness, and open communication. This is also a great time to start conversations about consent, personal boundaries, and mutual respect in ways that are age-appropriate and not overly adult.”

She lists two podcasts to guide you.

“The podcast ‘Puberty Portal’ with hosts Vanessa Kroll Bennett and Cara Natterson is fantastic,” Dr. Z says. “They talk directly to teens about growing up, including episodes on relationships, emotions, and how to handle attraction with maturity and respect. Another option is ‘Raising Good Humans’ by Dr. Aliza Pressman. That has great episodes for parents on supporting kids through the ups and downs of early relationships. Listening together and talking about it afterward can open the door for honest conversations.”

Dr. Z says this is a golden age of opportunity to guide—not rush—your kids. Helping your seventh grader navigate feelings with thoughtfulness now, lays the groundwork for healthier relationships down the road.

Q: My 6-year-old lost his first tooth today and caught me by surprise. I asked him how much money he thought the tooth fairy would leave him and he said 2 gold coins (there is a YoGabbaGabba episode about the tooth fairy and that is what he gets.) I happen to have a few gold dollar coins so I left those but I’m not sure if I can keep this up—there are 20 baby teeth! Any clever ideas that won’t break the bank?

A: I’m going to give what is likely an unpopular opinion: find things around the house and call it done. I don’t care if it’s two quarters, two dollars, a pack of playing cards, or some small, never-opened toy your child doesn’t remember receiving for a birthday or Christmas.

I won’t backspace. That’s my thought. Remembering the Tooth Fairy made me nuts with my older two. I used to work 2pm to midnight and would come home super late, exhausted, and realize I didn’t have anything ready. I forgot constantly. My oldest daughter—bless her—ended up trying to help me once she “knew.” She was 9 years old and playing the role for her younger brother because history taught her Mom had a 50-50 chance of unintentionally ruining his excitement.

[For fun: Here’s a picture of a note a mini-Parker encouraged her brother Hutch to write after the Fairy forgot him two nights in a row. On night three she was so-8-year-old horrified I might once again leave him hanging that she had him write a thank you note. She then left it on the hallway floor outside my bedroom. After getting home from work, I couldn’t help but see it lying on the floor. Older sisters. They don’t mess around.]

So, two gold coins to start? You’re off at the races and winning. But it’s okay if you’re looking for change in the couch cushions three years from now. (Kinda like how Elf on the Shelf starts out hot and has a tendency to lose steam by mid-December…) Keep in mind, too, it’s the spirit of the game and tradition that kids enjoy. The magical thought of a fairy flying into their room matters more than the dollar amount or gift left behind.

Q: Both of my kids (ages 12 and 14) have had the measles vaccine, but I’m worried about diminished immunity in light of recent outbreaks and especially with spring break and summer travel coming up. Do we need to consider getting boosters?

A: The entire Novant Health pediatrics team—meaning it doesn’t matter what office or location you ask—has a short and solid response to this question:

“Good news! The immunity after two vaccines is very high and generally considered to be lifelong. There is not a significant deterioration with time. The measles vaccine is highly effective at preventing disease (about 97%). There is no need to worry. Your kids are well-protected.”

If your child has not received two vaccines, the team suggest speaking with their health care provider about a second measles vaccine prior to international travel. This usually applies to children under age 4.

And with that, April’s “Ask a Mom” column is a wrap. If you’re getting a spring break this month, take a breath and enjoy. May-cember is ahead (what my friend Anna coins the busyness of next month). Please submit questions you’d like me to search out answers for on the homepage of Charlotte Parent.

—Molly 

MOLLY GRANTHAM is a four-time Emmy Award-winning journalist, speaker, author, and mom of three. Follow her on Facebook or Instagram, or visit mollygrantham.com.