ASK A MOM: Sunscreen battles, indoor summer activities, and going with your parenting gut

Molly Grantham tackles your parenting questions
Molly Grantham,
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Q: I’ve had this gut feeling that my 18-month-old son has autism since his first birthday. He wasn’t a super smile-y baby, rarely makes eye contact, and often fixates on ceiling fans or windshield wipers. My pediatrician says it’s impossible to make a diagnosis before age 3, but I just know in my bones something isn’t right. How can I get him evaluated so we can start treating this as early as possible?

A: We have guts for a reason. Follow your gut.

First, call the doctor back to let him/her know despite their recommendation that it’s too early, you would like to get your child evaluated. Ask what that involves and what agencies they recommend for more advice. You can be firm but polite: You trust the doctor, but also want to follow your gut and plan to move forward. Worst case? Your child doesn’t show any signs, and it’s a waste of time. Oh well. That’s a pretty good worst case scenario as now you’ve calmed your fears.

Diving deep on this one with advice from a couple who A) have a child who lives with autism, and B) have made it their mission to help others.

Toby and Cheri Foreman are connected, knowledgeable, and more notably, really understanding, kind people. They’re the founders of Haerfast Coffee, a sensory-based coffee business that employs people with diagnoses like autism.

“I grew up in the 70’s with a brother not ‘diagnosed’ with an Intellectual Developmental Disability (Aphasia) until the age of 6,” Toby says. “That had a profound influence on me in seeing—knowing—the importance of early intervention. My mother, an obstetrics nurse, would share her concerns about my brother from a few months after his birth… how he’d fixate on certain things and find comfort in routines.”

Toby says his brother didn’t have visual cues or outward mannerisms indicating a learning disability. You had to be around him to understand the intricacies of his personality.

“Due to not having a definition of his disability, he wasn’t afforded the supports and programs critical to developing competency,” Toby says. “He struggled and fell further behind in a world that waits for no one. I share this, because my brother is not a singular case. This example could be told in every US state, community, and neighborhood.”

For comparison, Toby shares that his son was born in 2006 with Down Syndrome.

“He had that ‘name tag’ straight from birth,” Toby says. “Support and resources could be given. Knowing the struggles my mother went through with my brother, I knew we were fortunate to have educational resources, medical assistance, physical therapy, speech therapy, and occupational therapy for my son. Find someone to fight alongside you. Find a community that feels it with you. Don’t let a doctor tell you’re seeing things, and it can’t be validated until age 3. Moms know best.”

Toby’s wife Cheri gave a great list of ideas.

“Our son is now older, but a friend with a 10-year-old who is autistic recommends calling the Mecklenburg County early intervention program,” she says. “You can contact the Children’s Developmental Services Agency here.”

Next, Cheri says, make an appointment with a Behavioral and Developmental Pediatrician. And start calling now because there can be a 9+-month waiting list. “If you want a recommendation for one, Toby and I took our son, Reid, to Dr. Joseph C. Stegman with Atrium Health,” she says. “He was great.”

Her best advice is to connect with other parents traveling the same road. “There is an unspoken bond between parents whose children share a diagnosis,” she says. “They just ‘get it’ on a specific emotional level and take comfort and camaraderie in each other.”

For autism-specific parent groups, try the Autism Society, the Exceptional Children’s Assistance Center, or good ol’ fashioned Facebook. As I have found through #MollysKids, there are tons of helpful online parent support groups for kids with uphill medical battles.

And, if you want to meet Toby or Cheri, they have a new coffee roastery in Davidson. Check their website or email me, and I can connect you.

Good luck. So glad you asked this question.

Q: How do I get a stubborn 11-year-old to wear sunscreen AND apply it evenly? He insists on doing it himself and always misses patches of skin. Short of tackling him to the floor, I don’t know how to get an even coat of sun protection on this kid.

A: Bribe him? He needs it. Dermatologists say even one bad burn can bite decades later.

More specific thoughts:

  • Sprays are better with kids. (Takes less time but needs reapplied more often.)
  • Tell him he can do it, but only if you get one final mom-view overspray.
  • Make it a game. Have your son use a timer on your phone to time you as you apply. Each time, you aim to “beat” your record.

In last year’s July column, I got another question about sunscreen. While doing that research, I discovered a product that looks like a big blush brush with sunscreen inside. I saw a friend using one and thought she was putting on makeup, until I saw her husband use it, too. He loved it. So did her 8-year-old daughter, who shared it with my then 8-year-old son. The kids were obsessed with reapplying constantly just so they could use the brush. She shared three brands, with various price ranges:

  • This is the one I saw her child and husband using.
  • This is the splurge she says that got her started.
  • This is the more affordable option she says she recently purchased for her child to carry.

As I said last year: You’re in good company. Lots of kids don’t want to wear sunscreen. But we know too much about skin care and the dangers of blazing sunshine to ignore that knowledge.

Q: New Charlotte mom here from Michigan! NOT used to this heat. What are some fun indoor activities that you all do with your kiddos when it’s too hot to play outside? I have a 3-year-old and 6-year-old home this summer. Help!!

A: Board games. Puzzles. The library. Discovery Place. Pools. Running through splash pads at public parks. Setting up a sprinkler in your yard. Anything creative around the house including, “Let’s organize the Tupperware drawer!” Seriously. Kids finding Tupperware containers’ matching lids is a real-life puzzle that occupies them and helps you.

There are also a ton of non-athletic, indoor summer camps in Charlotte. Day-long experiences that last a week. Most get filled early on—so make a note for next year—but some still have openings. A good Google search can find them. Here are a few good options based on personal experience, all which my kids liked:

And, though it’s outside… Charlotte Knights have a ton of summer baseball games (sometimes four or five in a week). Games are at night when it’s a bit cooler, and kids run the bases for Sunday night games. There are also multiple evenings pre-planned with kid-friendly themes:

  • July 12: Witches and Wizards Night (scarves giveaway)
  • July 13: Christmas in July (snow globe giveaway)
  • August 4: Dino Day! Animatronic dinosaurs will roam the field (Levine Children’s Hospital Youth Hat Giveaway)
  • August 18: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
  • September 1: Villains night

Find the entire list of promotional/theme nights here. But honestly, any evening at the baseball stadium is family fun. You can find the team’s full schedule here.

It is hot out there. But hey, by the time you read this, we’ll be halfway through summer and on the countdown to school. Enjoy the lightning bugs and sunshine while you can.

—Molly

MOLLY GRANTHAM is a four-time Emmy Award-winning journalist, speaker, author, and mom of three. Follow her on Facebook or Instagram, or visit mollygrantham.com.

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