ASK A MOM: Swifties, six-packs, and spoiled kids
WBTV's Molly Grantham tackles your parenting questions in this ongoing series
Q: My daughters (6 and 9) are big time Swifties and want to dress up with friends for the Super Bowl. What are some easy, inexpensive outfits or accessories I can get them?
A: Have I ever been more excited to answer one of your questions? I think not.
But first, please allow me to step on a soapbox. Why? Because I can. Because it’s my column and I’m tired of the Taylor haters. Let’s look at how cool it is we’re in a world where Taylor Swift is impacting so many kids. Not just daughters. My 9-year-old son is an obsessed fan. So is my 3-year-old son, actually. So am I. So is (he basically has no choice at this point) my husband. It’s what we play on car trips and what we know will make everyone in our family stop fighting and dance.
Why do I love Taylor? Because I respect Taylor. Her smarts, creativity, and the way she uses words are brilliant. But the biggest win for me is watching her as a role model. My kids RESPECT her. And if you’re one of those ticked off about her being shown 60-seconds total in a 3-hour game, get over yourself. The NFL’s ratings are never better. The Kelce family is embracing her with open arms. The Chiefs’ head coach, Andy Reid, points at her (and she points back) after the AFC Championship from stage. He gets it. He knows. You don’t have to like her music or give a crap about her love life, but you can respect her as a businesswoman who, simply by supporting her new man’s career, just made his team a whopping 330-million extra dollars.
My brother called me after the start of that game on January 21st.
“Are you watching?” he asked.
“Yes.” I was in the newsroom because the AFC Championship was on CBS, and I was working for a special broadcast to air after the game.
“Great,” he said, as he drove through Atlanta. “Can you update me on the score? We’re rushing away from Abby’s soccer game (my 11-year-old niece) to get home to turn on the TV. She doesn’t want to miss the Chiefs game. I can’t believe it. She’s never brought up football in her life.”
A whole new audience. All because a woman who promotes happiness and inclusion, is in love with a football player who acts in awe of her right back.
Okay. Back to the original question: The big game on February 11th and ideas on easy, inexpensive outfits or accessories.
- Friendship bracelets. Fun non-screen craft you can do before or during game. Find kits at Walmart, Target, Amazon, anywhere.
- Wear anything red.
- Rather than buy a jersey—which are astronomically priced—get a cheap red t-shirt and use black duct tape to make an 87 on the back. Use black Sharpie or more tape to put in “Kelce.”
- Or, if you prefer, make a number “13.” Then write the name “Swift.”
- There are also really great baseball caps with Taylor phrases. (I bought my son one from the story Altar’d State in the mall that said, “A lot going on at the moment.”)
- And… for extra stuff… the local shop CLT Find (one in Uptown and one in Dilworth) has a whole section of Taylor stuff that’s just plain fun. Candles with her song titles, koozies for a soda can with her face, t-shirts, etc.
Enjoy Sunday, and “Super Bowl 58 (Taylor’s Version).”
Q: Hi Molly! My 11-year-old wants a six-pack. He hasn’t changed his eating habits or mentioned feeling self-conscious (until now). I expected this with my daughters, but I’m at a loss for how to approach body image with my boy. —Steph
A: “Ah yes, diet culture doesn’t discriminate based on gender, sexuality, race, age, culture, any of it,” says Juliet Kuehnle, a licensed clinical mental health counselor in Charlotte (who’s extra-trained to handle body issues). “Our sons are not immune to the societal pressures of having an ‘ideal’ way to look. I love, Steph, that you asked this question to ensure you approach it appropriately.”
Juliet—who has a popular Instagram page at @yepigototherapy—has lots of tips. First, she says, check yourself. Make sure that as a parent, you aren’t perpetuating anything that aligns with diet culture.
“Are you encouraging restricting food, or dieting and exercise for the purpose of looking different?” she asked. “Talking about good health works. But talking about trying to look different, gain a 6-pack, or ‘be skinny,’ only perpetuates the problem. And please don’t reassure your kids by saying things like, ‘You’re perfect the way you are!’ or ‘You don’t need a 6-pack!’ That can make your child feel unheard and dismissed. That creates a chance they won’t open up to you in the future.”
Juliet recommends consistently communicating to your child that you love them unconditionally, and there’s so much that makes them who they are, beyond what they look like.
“You want to reassure them, repeatedly, their worth has nothing to do with their weight, size, and shape,” she says. “Ask open-ended, nonjudgmental questions. In this case, about why he wants a 6-pack. It could be something benign and fleeting, or maybe he’s just being funny? Or, he could reveal that he feels insecure or feels ‘fat.’ Which… by the way… isn’t a feeling. Someone who says they ‘feel’ fat could be covering up a sadness, or fear underneath. But asking open-ended questions can help you validate their real feelings and help them learn to tolerate and cope with those.”
She adds to always educate your kids on how to be conscious consumers of what they see in the media and on social media.
“IT’S NOT ALL REAL!” she says. “Everyone is made differently, with different genetics that influence their size, shape, muscles, height, etc. Continue to teach your kids that we move our bodies for our mental health, heart health, and because it’s fun and feels good. Tell them we eat intuitively. We eat when we’re hungry, and can stop when we’re full. Remind your kids they can listen to, and trust, their own bodies.”
Q: Hi Molly. Any tips on kids who are disrespectful and entitled? I’ve got 8yo and 9yo boys, and I’m divorced for 1 yr now. Their dad is already remarried with 2 bonus kids. I want to have a discussion with my ex and his wife on what we can do to fix this problem. —Nicole
A: My gut reaction is that it sounds like you’re already on the way. It’s super you A) acknowledge your kids behavior and B) want all adults in a parenting role with them to address it together. I’d think giving your boys a consistent message is important, and kudos to you for that instinct.
But, I’m no expert. I’m just a mom who knows how to take your questions to experts for answers. So, I first sent your question to Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, who is a nationally respected licensed clinical psychologist based in Denver, Colorado. (You can follow her on IG at @Drsherylziegler.)
“If a kid is entitled, that’s no one’s fault but their parents,” she says. “Kids are not born spoiled. The caregivers who raise them spoil them, and then those babies and toddlers grow older and it’s suddenly not cute anymore and parents come to realize it’s a big problem.”
She says disrespect in a child means they know no boundaries.
“This means they have behaved in this way before, and that the adults in their life have tolerated it. Kids need consistent and firm boundaries—they need to know when they bumped up against their limit. If the bar is constantly being moved, or consistently responded to, they’ll keep pushing it. That’s literally their job, as kids! So… when your kid pushes the boundaries with the way they speak, or their body language toward you, their tone needs to be corrected. Each and every time, until they learn. Boundaries and limits shift and change as kids get older, but the level of respect that is demanded should not.”
In the case of divorced families, Dr. Ziegler says it’s even more imperative all parents get on the same page around these issues so kids don’t feel confused or push it in one home, but not the other. “For parents who struggle to enforce rules and expectations, remember this is what is best for kids,” she adds. “It is not mean, or unreasonable. It is healthy for them and tied to greater life satisfaction, happiness, less anxiety, and better mental health outcomes in the long run.”
Great answer. Next, I took your question to my stepmom, who has lived this real life. She and my dad married when I was in the 2nd grade—she, my dad, AND my mom jointly raised me.
“Call a family meeting,” she said without hesitation. “Show your solidarity to the kids on the subject. It’s very important the three adults agree beforehand what the consequences will be for continued disrespectful or entitled behavior.”
Huh. All of us saying the same thing in different ways.
With that, we wrap this month’s column. Keep your questions coming, love to read them! Maybe one of yours will be used in March.
Until then, see you tonight at 5 p.m., 5:30 p.m., 6 p.m., and 11 p.m… and this weekend, for your newscasts after the Big Game.
—Molly
PS: As for the game, here’s my wish list: Christian McCaffery plays well, Steve Wilks gets credit for being a heckofa coach, and Taylor makes it in time from her concert in Japan to both support Travis and for Usher to include her in a quick cameo at halftime.
MOLLY GRANTHAM is an anchor, author, and mom of three. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram, or catch her on WBTV News at 5 p.m., 5:30 p.m., 6 p.m., and 11 p.m.
