José Rolón Talks Single Fatherhood

The New York-based wedding planner shares his experience as a single parent and member of the LGBTQ+ community

José Rolón, a New York-based wedding planner, content creator, and activist, has more than half a million followers on TikTok. Under the handle, @nycgaydad, Rolón posts about family life as a single father of three. “I began posting on Instagram about 11 years ago as a way to connect with other gay parents and create a supportive community online” he says. “But we developed a social media following when we started sharing videos on TikTok in 2020 during the pandemic lockdown.”

On His Road to Parenthood

Rolón always knew he wanted to be a father, but he wasn’t sure his dream would ever become a reality. “Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of role models of gay men with children,” he says. Today, Rolón is a father to son Avery and twin daughters Lilah and London. But the road to parenthood wasn’t easy. In 2010, he married his husband, Tim, and in March 2013, they welcomed Avery. In December 2013, they had just found out their surrogate was pregnant with twins when Tim suddenly died of a heart attack.

Rolón feared he couldn’t raise three children alone. But in the days that followed Tim’s death, Rolón had a change of heart. “I realized that whatever happened, I didn’t want to leave our son alone in the world,” he says. “If something happened to me, I wanted Avery to have a family. I announced that we were expecting while giving Tim’s eulogy.”

On Chosen Family

Being a single father of three young children was certainly a challenge. “I was in survival mode,” Rolón says. “Fortunately, I had a large support system from my community. Many two-parent households lack that kind of support that I had. As a single dad, people assumed I was overwhelmed, which isn’t to say I wasn’t at times, but I accepted all offers of help.”

In addition to a wonderful nanny, Rolón’s kids have a diverse extended family of uncles and aunts. “Living in NYC as part of the LGBTQ community, colors are a part of our world,” he says. “When I moved to NYC in my 20s, I met so many people from different places and backgrounds. They became our chosen family.”

Rolón also found new love. He has been with his partner Thomas for two and half years. When Rolón first re-entered the dating world, he had doubts about meeting someone. “I thought, Who would want to be with me, a single dad of three? But it turned out being a single dad was not considered a negative on the dating apps. There were men excited about the idea of becoming a part of an instant-family. Being a ‘single dad’, I was perceived as wealthy and caring, whereas a single mom and friend was thought to be needy. Pre-judgment like that is unfortunate and unfair, but it happens.”

On Raising Tweens

As his children have gotten older, deciding what to share about their lives on social media has become a delicate balance. “Eleven years ago, when I started, my kids were babies, and the social media environment was different,” Rolón says. “Many creators today hide their kids’ faces, and I understand the reasoning. I might do the same if I was starting today, too—the online world had become wilder and more toxic.”

But since his kids are already public figures, Rolón chooses to focus on the positive impact they can make. “With so much terrible stuff going on, we have started a new segment on our TikTok we call ‘Breaking Good News’,” he says. “It’s an opportunity for the kids to share some good things going on in the city and around the country.”

On the Importance of the Handle

In many ways, Rolón’s life is no different than any working father of three tweens. “It’s just as exhausting,” he says. “I have just as much trouble getting my kids out the door in the morning as any other parent. I’m also dealing with them entering their teen years, so there are a lot of feelings, hormones, and conversations. Like all kids their age, they are starting to test me as their father, but so far, they are doing it respectfully.”

Some have questioned why Rolón chooses to use the handle @nycgaydad instead of simply putting out “just dad” content. “Ultimately, being just a dad is my goal, too,” Rolón says. “I felt like I was getting close to that before recent events happened. But with all the targeting and hate that has been building, especially toward the trans and communities of color, visibility is vitally important. As a gay, Latinx man living in New York, I feel the need to represent because I can. There are a lot of LGBTQ people who are scared and vulnerable. I want them to know they are not alone.”